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This year signifies a ten-year milestone since the phrase “vanishing” hit the public consciousness. Initially, the idea that someone could instantly end all contact with a lover without a word seemed like the peak of disrespect. How naive we were. In the decade since, navigating toward a partner has only become more confounding – an oftentimes pointless pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by online lingo.

Zoomers, a generation who matured during a loneliness crisis, a male identity crisis, and a concerted attack on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their Gen Y forerunners could ever fathom. And so their dating glossary has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” straining the limits of your mental fortitude.

The following list is a extensive guide to the terms gen Z is using to navigate romance, intimacy and the search of both. To echo one of the year’s most popular online sayings, by the end of this guide you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Authenticity – In the view of gen Z, dating’s gold standard is presenting as your true, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend connected to a test developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your partner’s reply is interested or disinterested. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while exuding enigma and self-sufficiency. (She might still have baby bangs.)

C

Seat theory – This refers to choosing someone who supports you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people bond while doing chores, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do low-cost dating in a inflation-era world.

Crashing out – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a crush or breakup, venting all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it refers to couples who forgo having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of being guarded: embracing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Red flags – Behavioral habits suggesting a potential partner is bad news. Such as calling their former partners crazy, poor tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Green flags – These traits confirm your choice to pursue a partner. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, largely benign idiosyncrasies. For instance being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who loathes the same things or individuals that you do (few things builds intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

Geese – A musical group many young men listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of silence.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly home-oriented, who apparently has no goals of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and usually everyday turnoffs that instantly shut down any sense of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an extremely sweet gesture.

J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be numbered since some gen Z want fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance realistic.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {