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Our friends for more than 20 years, a person who's overcome several hardships, which I admire. However, she has been often taken by surprise in relationships. Her partner left her, and it was a huge shock. Many of her friends vanished at that point, as they were focused solely on the spouse. This surprised her deeply. She put in more effort to be my friend, and must have realised more clearly what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, many in her circle have drifted apart and she isn't knowing the cause. Her last employer became hostile, even though she was highly competent, her exit happened not understanding why things shifted.

Current Dynamics

Lately, both of us left the workforce and are seeing time together, however, I feel my position in the relationship is to listen. I start subjects but she shifts conversation onto things she cares about. Regarding political views, she holds firm beliefs. My effort is to propose factchecking and alternate views.

She is planning a holiday to a country I have traveled to many times and resided in for a while. I attempted to provide insights, however, my input not welcomed. She really only wanted my agreement with her plans. I recently ended four weeks in that place she is eager to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Evaluating the Situation

I hesitate to be a friend who abandons suddenly abruptly, however, I feel she will ever understand the impact of her actions on my self-esteem. Right now, my state is pulling back. What's the best step?

Possible Paths

You could walk away, but it is rarely the peaceful resolution that we desire. However, addressing it aiming for resolution requires bravery and openness from both people.

Therapists recommend applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially requires explaining the usual pattern during your discussions. This needs to be based on facts and basically what a recording device would replay. Next is to tell the way it affects you emotionally. This allows for no dispute about this. Emotions are valid, naturally. The third step is to ask how the two of you will alter the interaction of your friendship."

Keep in mind she too holds perspectives, meaning you must to remain ready to listen to her. A helpful technique is telling her:

"Please share your thoughts and I promise to listen without interrupting for 30 minutes."

This can be successful for promoting better communication.

Closing Considerations

She might reject all you say, as some people hold onto a “survival narrative”: they maintain a narrative about themselves they're unable to let go of since their identity relies on it being the only thing they trust. It's tough when there seems no easy route with these people, only cul-de-sacs. Yet she could at first react defensively and then think your perspective. And should you never reach a fix, you'll have closure knowing you were open and direct.